word haemorrhage

Heh

2011-11-28T23:53:00.003+08:00

Ok ive caved. I cant bear it anymore, i have to tell somebody! Though this doesnt really count as 'somebody' per se and i cant be arsed to punctuate properly, but god. No ones supposed to know this anyway omg. But anyway. I kinda read my moms email. Which sounds pretty bad, it is, but then she never logs out of her email anyway. I didnt Really /intend/ to. I just wanted to check some emails jess sent me, and it happened to be that stuff i email directly from the ipad goes into my moms mail! So i checked it. Then i saw.

It was the photos from my well you could call him uncles engagement thing. My mom never bothered showing me anything! Im not really sure why, like everyones sort of treading carefully around this wedding stuff, not getting too excited about it yet im so excited i was like virtually screaming when i first heard. I dont know why. I just love weddings that have something to do with family and close friends and generally people i know. I really really dislike going to strangers weddings because usually id be bored out of my mind. But this is something else. Ive been wanting him to just go ahead and do it for years! And finally its happened! And the best thing is i can help! With the designs and stuff!!!

Except thats what i thought. In reality im pretty much in the dark about most things, and i feel this odd awkwardness when i ask my mom about it so i generally just refrain. And shes confused about why im so excited. But the question to her is why isnt /she/ excited? Isnt she happy for her cousin, the one who keeps calling her his 'favourite'?! Goodness.

Instead if being involved in anything, ie going to my grandmas and pitching ideas, im stuck at home studying all day. Like literally all. Day. I have only until thursday left but ive missed out on so many of the goings on already. And i feel so desperately left out so thats why i ended up stalking the 2nd email, which was the official wedding to do list. Ugh that was the total /jackpot/. Everything was in there. I was a bit miffed at not Seeing my name in it at all, considering i may be the most excited of them all. Well then. Well i suppose its hardly their fault, im in the middle of the most important exam ever, so fair enough.

Wont stop me from being annoyed though. Thursday, please, PLEASE come faster.

2011-06-28T16:50:00.002+08:00

Сжаты руки под темной вуалью...
"Отчего ты сегодня бледна?"
- Оттого, что я терпкой печалью
Напоила его допьяна.

Today is a very sad kind of day. I'm not really sure why.

Okay yes it's probably the accumulation of things past, but then what else? I know there's something else. I don't know what. Misery is catching. Lynn's depressed. So am I. Honestly when Lynn is depressed, it's like the world isn't worth living. Same with Evo. It's like... I don't know, nobody feels miserable alone. Or maybe we depress each other. I don't know.

Maybe that's why I feel an extra urge to just have a 10 minute break from life, which I know is impossible because when you die after getting hit my a cement truck/poisoning yourself with Jetstream ink you sure as hell can't come back here. So yeah. Wish wash. Crap.

For some reason today, instead of being stupidly suicidal, I picked the next best thing. I googled Anastasia, the last Russian tsar's youngest kid. From what I've collected just now (and what Nani told me this morning), let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time, Russia still had a royal family. But, with most of Russia being so poor, and all the royals so rich, the poor Russians were pretty mad. So they wanted them out. And what with communism and all, the Russians got their wish. The communists (I think) got the royal family under house arrest, and one morning, ordered them to the basement and shot them all dead.

That is why Russia no longer has a monarchy.

It's quite sad, because all the kids died too. Anastasia was a really naughty kind of kid, but she seemed cute. There were rumours that Anastasia had escaped, but they were quashed 2 years ago by some scientist guy who proved (using modern DNA technology) that she really did die. So Russia still doesn't have any royalty. Sorry Russians.

Well the entire research made me feel worse, and prompted me to draw some Russia related stuff in the book Sarah and Shman got me. It also got me reading Russian poetry, which is honestly some pretty depressing shit.

It's nice though.

2011-02-28T19:53:00.002+08:00

It's just so hard.

There are times when it literally gets difficult to breathe when the memory suddenly decides to haunt me. I try to get it to leave but it won't budge, and it plays in my head to the soundtrack of Hello Goodbye, which is a tune that also refuses to go away. It makes for pretty sickening mental viewing.

And I watch the horror unfolding but I can't blank it out because it's seared into my brain. At the horrible, inevitable end, I feel completely miserable. But then after a while comes a flash of anger. Then more anguish. And then that overwhelming feeling of wanting to be there to give them hugs and telling them it's alright, but then the anger creeps back again and all I want to do is punch them in the face.

2010-11-21T21:07:00.002+08:00

Oh my god listening to Green Day always makes me feel so badass omg gfdssafghjhgfdsfgh i'm gonna go blow up something bye

2010-10-20T21:41:00.002+08:00

It's been a while. Sorry.

I don't know why, but I've been getting major nosebleeds recently. It's either the weather's too hot, I'm too weak or I'm just way too pugged up. It happens after school. I end up looking like I'd been in a fight or something.

So I'd lie down on the cold floor and look up at the fan. And think.
I haven't been doing a lot of that recently either.

Lot's of things have changed.

Squealing in a very fangirlish manner

2010-09-02T21:49:00.004+08:00

Hee I just watched like 5 episodes of The Cesc Fabregas Show back to back. He's just so adorable and so classy and eek! Not a fan of the Spanish accent though (heheh) but he looks so adorable and he's always so serious when he answers questions and his expression while playing a game on the Xbox was so cute! You could just kill him he's that adowably adowable.

*squish

Well what'd you know, I'm actually spazzing about someone who plays Xbox! But seriously it's just so incredibly cute! I'm sorry my vocab to describe him is incredibly limited but honestly he is just adorableness personified.

The funny part is that he was playing his own team, I think the game was FIFA 08 (if that even existed). But Arsenal isn't called Arsenal, it's called North London FC. Yeah it's a bit annoying but you'll just have to make do. It's funny when you see the players playing themselves in their own team in a video game. I'd expect him to jump up and squeal hysterical-like, "¡OH MI DÉU, OH MY GOD IT'S ME" every time the ball comes to his game self but I suppose he's too professional for that. Man.

It's just funny. Don't they ever comment on how horrible their game selves look like? And don't they ever try asking someone to go and fix the North London FC name situation?

I DON'T KNOW GAH IT'S JUST SO ADORABLE AAAAAAAAAAAH KJJVHGCSDFVGJKMJKNBKHVGCVFBGNNVGBNNNM

(PS It's really easy to forget his cruel transfer saga after watching these)

2010-08-22T22:19:00.001+08:00

Another goal. 5-nil. I can't believe this. Wow.

Hee hee what an awesome weekend.

2010-08-22T21:51:00.002+08:00

But the problem with awesome weekends is that you don't want them to end. I really don't want to go to school. I can't face it. That testosterone filled, dopamine addled, hormonal hothouse.

I can't even...

Ugh.

Anyway.

It was a lovely lovely weekend of football. First of all, my bbs were running riot on the Emirates pitch. 6-0! I'm so incredibly proud of them, especially Theo! You show Capello who'z da man!

PAUSED WAHAAAAAAAAAAAW. YOU GO NEWCASTLE WOOT WOOT. 4-0. Oh you poor Aston Villains. BUT ANYWAY, WOOOOOOOOOOOW INCREDIBLE.

CONTINUED I thought Rosicky was pretty good too! But one of my favourite goals was Walcott's second, I absolutely loved how he spun around controlling that ball so lovelyly and then sticking it in between the posts. And then there was Diaby's volley. Beautiful. Aaaaah. This is why I love football. Squee!

I squeed some more when Cesc and VP came out. Of course. They are my faaaaavourite players. (Though VP more so) I somehow knew that them coming on would somewhat slow the game down a bit and I was right. They are rusty -.-

Now I'm watching a really fascinating match, Newcastle vs Aston Villa. Freaking incredible. The Villains are getting killed by the Toon. Oh god I really am a footballhead now aren't I. I read too much FFT.

They're now four-nil up with a free kick on the edge of the box. I wonder...
Ah. He missed. Oh well. Still an awesome match though I'm not really concentrating on it much since I'm typing. Oh well again.

I love weekends too much, I love waking up any time I want and eating my breakfast slowly and reading the newspaper and watching ESPNEWS and contemplating what useful things to do. I freakin' love. I can't wait for next weekend.

It's our jobs

2010-07-27T16:56:00.002+08:00

My thumb and finger is raw. Effingly. Raw from twisting out the metal thingies jutting out from tins, you know - the thing you use to crack it open? I don't know what it's called. All I know is I wish tins never came with it.

And I also wish Ustaz would split some of the money he gets from selling hundreds of kgs of tins with us. But as if that'll happen.

We went through a lot of bags. Before we could finish a pile someone would come along and pour out another bag of tins. And another. And another. Tin tsunami. Squashed tins. Clean tins. Tins full of cockroaches. Baby cockroaches, brown sickening eggs, cocoons of god knows what animal, and a poo coloured cicak. Basically, gross things, things we shouldn't be touching or even seeing.

But we're Ustaz's slaves and we do it because "Apa yang saya suruh kamu buat, kamu buat."
Fine. Saya buat.

Muy bien.

2010-07-17T20:10:00.003+08:00

I need help, for real, because after seeing this my eyes are freaking imploding, yeah like that sick masochistic knight on House yesterday. Squinty and red and shrinking. Because you can't blame me. Sólo soy humano, si? I'm only human, yes? No wait don't answer that.

It's...just...okay I guess it just needs getting used to.
But... but... but!...

No, shut up. It's not a big deal. It's not a big deal, really! Shut up. Por favor? Shut up. SHUT UP.

But, but, w-w-what about - SHUT UP. ¡Cállate!

Geez.

Holland FTW hoyeah

2010-07-05T22:28:00.000+08:00

Netherlands/Brazil match report yay!

I didn't watch majority of the first 10 minutes, if I did maybe I would've been quite ugh. (Brazil scored -.-) The first three minutes Brazil was so crazy, fouling people like nobody's business and Robinho told Sneijder (?) to "FUCK OFF!" Well I'm not so good at lip reading but it sure looked like it. Robben got fouled like MAD, actually the whole team did. What the heck man. It's good Holland won, at least they play clean. And they have mental strength, I mean not all teams can come back from 1 goal down especially if the other team is BRAZIL. Brazil, 5 time World Cup winners. Hello?

Um. I can't remember much now. Crap. All I know is Robinho, and Kaka was violent. Okay maybe not really Kaka. But he got PO once for no reason. Or was it? Idk bah. Ooijer got a yellow for 'time wasting'. What? How is sliding for a ball time wasting for gods sake? What the pie? I mean seriously!

Ohh van Persie. I absolutely adore you and I'm really sorry that you just aren't yourself this World Cup. I can see it in your face : utter disappointment. It's sad, I mean at the end of the Slovakia match you were pretty pissed to be replaced by Huntelaar (I think) but then in the Brazil one you didn't really mind because you sort of gave up. You shouldn't give up because I know you're osum, even better than Messi (ok I admit being a little bias.) You are OSUM. Heck, typing like this is gay -.- But I still love you Van Persieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Like I told Norm, "I BELIEVE." In the end my favourite Oranje player will always be you! (but Cesc's still my favourite Arsenal dude tho. Heh heh)

I like the Argentina national anthem. It's fast and doesn't sound "I want to die right now"ish.

Back to topic. Hmmm I was screaming like a nutcase. it's actually so much more funner watching with another supporter. Amazingly Norm's a Netherlands fan too, I guess my whole family is. I influenced everyone. I like Bert van Marwijk. He's always so cool and calm and collected. Dunga was pulling a Maradona on the touchline. I felt a bit sorry for him and the Brazil fans. And Julio Cesar crying after the match, that sort of pulled on my heartstrings. But, I'm way happier about Holland getting closer to winning. I hope they do.

Myeh. Can't think of anything more right now. If I have anything else to add I will. I love the Netherlands' accurate one touch football :D OK BYE.

WC post yay!

2010-06-16T00:29:00.002+08:00

It's weird how I don't have a World Cup post posted somewhere here yet but here it is!

I don't know how many matches I've watched. I think probably every single one. I watched only three full time though, South Africa vs Mexico, Netherlands vs Denmark and Portugal vs Ivory Coast. I watched half of the Argentina match, but it was boring. Like mad. Actually all the matches sort of sucked. People were going on about this being the 'best World Cup ever!!!!!' but the scores don't say so. How many 0-0 draws were there? How many draws? I can't remember how much exactly, but there were a lot. Everyone's so nervous. There's no flow! It's lame!

Even my beloved Dutch team. Geez you people! I was looking forward to you match against Denmark dammit! Plus, my also beloved Van Persie squandered chances, and the only thing he managed to do is break somebody's camera behind the goalpost. Actually that's a bit mean. He did set up the Poulsen/Agger own goal, so I guess I'm just being mengada.

I like Van der Vaart. Why didn't you sign him Wenger? WHY?????????????????????

Oh but Elia was good! He's totally one of my favourite players. He's what people call a 'super sub'. He's gooooood. I mean honestly! He was unlucky not to score the second goal himself but I guess you've got to thank Kuyt for whacking it in.

Oh god. I am such a soccer nut. And a girl one too. But the article on girl fans in todays paper made me feel a bit better. A bit less weird. The girls who watch soccer not for the dudes but for the game! Come on. There aren't many cute dudes in the World Cup anyway. Just Bendtner. Bendtnerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr~

Malaysian Shoes at the fair

2010-06-03T19:27:00.004+08:00

Whine

2010-05-26T14:03:00.002+08:00

Hello I'm back after roasting my brains on a spit, yes hello! Actually it's not really burnt, more like... melted. Especially after add maths. Can somebody say - die? Form 4 exams make me want to pass out. My brain can take only so much strain. God!

The only thing I look forward to every day is the paper. The newspaper's supposed to make me happy right? Right? No.

Because of one particular article.
At first I was quite sad about Cesc wanting to leave, but this is ridiculous. The dude really wants to leave. Like, fo real. He's utterly sick and tired of being in Arsenal. He wants out, he just wants to leave - without so much as a sorry to the red and white fans who adore him, and he steps all over his four year contract in the process. My respect for the guy is seriously deteriorating.

Plus, people in Barcelona are so annoyingly patronizing, if that's the right word to describe it. It's like 'Oh I'm confident he will be playing with us next season' and 'he is coming to Barca for sure' and bla and bla. It's like... DUDE. THE GUY'S STILL UNDER CONTRACT. DUUUUUUDE! But what annoys me the most is that he really wants to get out, like really really. Even his dad said so. They think the teams are gonna sort it amongst themselves and he'll just be sitting pretty while Wenger does all he can to keep someone who clearly doesn't want to be there anymore. So, fine. Go then! Have fun with the season after season two way tussle, have fun sitting on the bench like Thierry Henry. Have fun competing with Xavi and Iniesta. HAVE FUN.

Ok done whining. Got freakin physics tomorrow.

2010-05-16T19:40:00.002+08:00

Here comes the familiar feeling again - dread. Because studying now feels like stu-dying, just like how Amirah aptly put it on her Myspace page a few years back.

I hate studying now. God, I seriously do. I did a bit of add math yesterday, overall it was okay but I only did a couple of questions. There was one that troubled me a little. I don't really want to think about it, but I know I have to face it real soon.

And now I'm haunting my favourite sites and writing in this blog, time tested forms of procrastination. I feel bad. But I can't make myself study, I just can't. GOSH.

2010-04-28T21:17:00.000+08:00

BAYERN MUNICH PLAY MAD AWESOME FOOTBALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-04-24T22:47:00.002+08:00

I always end up so PO with myself when I just cannot bear to study. I freaking argue with myself! It'll be like "Okay, study, you've watched 2 hours worth of a rather exciting match so now you HAVE to study" "BUT I DON'T WANT TO" "COME ON LA LATER GOT MATCH SUMMORE WHEN ARE YOU GONNA STUDY?" "CANNOT MASUK BRAIN LA GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

So now I'm blogging and procrastinating even more. I'm refraining from switching on the TV. Sometimes match previews and the godawful forcasts have me hooked. Don't ask me why. Argh.
Green Day anyone? Before the Lobotomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

2010-04-17T22:33:00.002+08:00

Uh...so....yeah.

I think maybe I should put this blog on private or something. I usually ramble about things people won't bother to read anyway.

I need to get a couple of things off my chest. Like an awful feeling of escalating guilt. And a feeling of rankled-ness. So much for 'Near perfect predictions' or whatever it is. Alex Ferguson's mind games get under my skin. I bet it got under Mancini's.

Plus I haven't studied and that makes things worse. I will start now. Sigh.

2010-04-13T16:19:00.002+08:00

Well today I'm gonna write about my day, which is probably relatively lame but since I don't do these what-I-did-today posts so often it might actually turn out interesting.

The first subject this morning was biology, which was a pain, as always. Hami is constantly asking us to stand up and answer questions that I can't even begin to answer, because I never reread her notes or the textbook or whatever. But I got to sit anyway because I accidentally rampased Evo's page on enzymes and got the answer right. Evo was a bit unlucky because all the answers she knew were screamed out by someone else. Oh well.

And then we had Chem, which is also a pain because half the time we gotta move out from class to someplace else. I feel sorry for Armand but I'm sorrier for myself because I'd much rather stay in class then go to the lab or whatever. But again oh well. We didn't do much, just talked about Group 17 Elements. My brain didn't really process a lot of the things said.

Later after Agama Andrew came in then suddenly started debating with me about something soccer related. I won in the end, because I always do. Also it was soccer related, and my answer was way more logical.

Evo slept through Maths but I shockingly was pretty wide awake, and I got to learn stuff like gradients and intersect points. This info will probably not be of use to me but hey, info is info.

And then I went home and I read about MU throwing the towel in. Hm!

Hot N Coldddd.

2010-04-11T10:36:00.003+08:00

IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
Franklin - Paramore

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
I Write Sins Not Tragedies - Panic! at the Disco

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
But It's Better If You Do - PATD

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Holiday - Green Day

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Give 'Em Hell, Kid - My Chemical Romance

WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
Behind These Hazel Eyes - Kelly Clarkson

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Dirty Little Secret - TAAR

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
I'm Not Missing You - Stacie Orrico

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Never Let This Go - Paramore

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND/s?
Smile - Uncle Kracker

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Kill All Your Friends - My Chemical Romance

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
If I Let You Go - Westlife

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
American Idiot - Green Day

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Fuck You - Lily Allen

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Little Things - Pomplamoose

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
If Eyes Could Speak - Devon Werkheiser

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
When You're Looking Like That - Westlife

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

Haven't Met You Yet - Michael Buble

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
Breakaway - Kelly Clarkson

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Jenny - The Click Five

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Hot N Cold - Katy Perry

GILA.

2010-04-07T04:38:00.002+08:00

Arsenal lost, but it was a beautiful game of football. Messi is amazing!

Match

2010-04-07T03:39:00.002+08:00

I can't go to school tomorrow, I've even an MC. I feel like I'm pontenging somehow because I feel fine, no pain no headaches just a disturbance in my eye. But I guess the doctor knows best (?)

It's 3.41am and I'm not supposed to be awake. My mom tried to ban me from watching the match, but I was adamant. Right now I'm actually wesaring sunglasses. So my eyes don't get strained or something. Well whatever, as long as I can watch the match comfortably.

I missed kickoff, tertidur balik -.- But I woke up just in time for Bendtners goal, which was fantastic. I have the belief in Arsenal, the score currently stands at 3:1 but I believe they still have a fighting chance. Messi has scored a hattrick. I cannot hate him. His goals are amazing. I'm torn between being scared of an Arsenal thrashing and wanting to watch an absolutely beautiful game of football.

You can't helped but be awed. How does Messi do these things? Ooph. Nice save, Almunia. I love this game because I think Arsenal have played very well. Bendtner lived up to expectations, I had faith in him. I loved Walcott and his sudden bursts of speed and Nasri's consistently great play. They have fair possession, I don't think it's as crazy as 70:30% anymore.

I am curious to see the outcome of this match. I keep thinking 'The game has just begun.'

When all else fails

2010-04-06T17:07:00.002+08:00

USE PLAN BENDTNER!

FCB VS ARS

Arsenal vs Barcelona

2010-04-01T04:48:00.002+08:00

MY GOD. WHAT A GAME.

I can barely express my thoughts and opinions on the game. Currently in a state of awe, apprehension and bubbling excitement.

NOU CAMP HERE WE COME!

2010-03-28T20:22:00.002+08:00

Eeeeeep. So much. Photo editing. Aaaaah

mad bored

2010-03-27T18:43:00.000+08:00

i'm at somebody's house very alone and very bored. whoopee. thank god my mom's phone can use the internet.. i was looking at flickr and earth hour and fmylife. better than stuffing myself with chemically and incredibly salty chips to drown the sorrow. haih.

i feel a little sick already, i ate brownies and mango and chips and now i wanna puke. honest.

i wanted to go around and cycle but i cant, cuz i'm stuck here. sigh :(
the magician just now was a madman.

Writing as release

2010-03-25T21:40:00.002+08:00

I think the first match I ever watched, or at least watched and connected with - was embarassingly, one that involved Man United. Vs West Ham? Wolfsburg?

I'm honestly not sure. I'd always thought soccer was a pointless, boring game. Actually sometimes now I still think it's a little pointless but there's always this weird inexplicable thrill.

I was sitting on the sofa then, my head lying sideways on one of the pillows. A soccer match was on. But of course. It was one of the only things people in that house (well most of them anyway) were excited to watch, screaming at fouls and referees and sipping their cups of black coffee.

I stared at the TV blearily. The match had just started, it was about 15 minutes in. I watched as the blurs on the screen ran to and fro on the pitch, their neat triangular passes somehow hypnotizing. In my semi conscious state, I realised it was actually quite, gasp, fascinating. I was flitting in and out of consciousness, watching the passes. Triangle. Triangle. Triangle. I'd slept through half time. I was more aware 35 minutes later, during the 80th minute of the match.
That's when I knew.

Arsenal vs West Ham

2010-03-21T18:10:00.003+08:00

Before I start :

Yay!!!!!

Watched a match yesterday, as I do every Saturday/Sunday/whatever day they play.
Arsenal vs West Ham.

My gosh, West Ham crowd like crap. It's like, some Arsenal dude has the ball and three or four or THE WHOLE WEST HAM TEAM crowd around him and block him from kicking the ball anywhere. So I guess their style of play was defensive. The referee is like what man! The first couple of minutes were merepek. Got so many fouls and he just let play resume, a few free kicks were given (I can't remember) and then SUDDENLY, he decides, "Hm, I think I want to give out yellow and red cards now!" after HOW LONG, and then he gives Vermaelan an unfair red card! What!

I DID NOT LIKE THAT MATCH!!!!

I mean come on, his foul was a yellow card foul, not RED. If you want red, you go see Nani's two footed challenge hari tu. That was DESERVED!!!!! Not Vermaelans high kick sikit push-pull thing! Even I with my very limited football knowledge know that!!!!

Well at least Almunia pulled awesome saves. He sure saved Arsenal's ass when Diamanti (or was it Mido?) was awarded a free kick in the box. Wow I really thought it was gonna go in. I should have more faith in the dude.

I think Cesc needs to shave. Honestlyyyyyyyyyy. Awesome job though, with the penalty kick. I passed out when that happened. I woke up at the last bits of the match, so I missed it. Sigh. I loves Cesc goals -.-

Denilson was dancing when he scored that goal in the 5th minute. A cute victory robot dance. Doing match reports for myself is fun :)

On my mind

2010-03-11T18:19:00.004+08:00

...I think I may have screwed up my Physics test. Eeeep.

SPM results today. Crazy Evo cried like a maniac but it was sweet of her to care so much about her sister. I don't give a crap about mine.

I'm full! And the coffee I had just now smelled so nice. Too foamy though

Paris, Paris, Paris! I'm stoked!

I love the weather today: Cloudy and grey, 30 degrees c. I think I should walk to school earlier, the morning coldness and darkness is beautiful, though a bit scary. It was so dark I thought my neighbour sweeping outside the gate was a tree moving by itself. Creepy.

I have to finish reading the newspaper today. Esp the sports section, Bendtners all over the place

Oh and tomorrow's road run. I hope I don't need to rub any sweaty legs like Norm did. (SHUDDERS.)

Philately

2010-03-10T20:07:00.002+08:00

I quite love today, even though I had less than 3 hours of sleep. Hee. I got up to watch Arsenal vs Porto (so worth it!) It was such an epic match I tell you!
I LOVE THE WORLD OF HIGH DEFINITION, I SWEAR.

Even though I watched it alone I was still shouting woo! every time someone scored and waving my hands around and laughing like a nutcase. Bendtner actually scored, can you believe that. He scored a freakin hat-trick! Throughout the match the word that was running through my head was 'Incredible.' It was, oh so.

I think Arshavin is a genius, and he is rather cute. Okay I'm just saying that just because he scored against Burnley last Saturday but what the heck right. So short and adorable! He can slip through players and get the ball where he wants. Sometimes.

OH and I love Nasri! Yeah like the dude on Soccernet said, he did score a pretty epic individual goal. He slipped through three Porto dudes, and scored at a really tight angle - awesomeness!
And shortly after that even Eboue got a goal in, which was shocking and made me go "Yaaaay!" then laugh. I've never seen him score before, go Eboue. I couldn't help myself, I laughed pretty loudly when I saw Arsene jump with joy, arms raised victoriously.

You can't help but feel sorry for the Porto boss, he had his arms crossed and his mouth was pulled into a tight line - basically a very pained expression. His eyes were bulging out. Well at least he's not like Arsene, who looks as grumpy as hell when things don't look great for his team.

I loved Bendtner's very last minute injury time penalty kick goal. He doesn't look as good as Cesc though when he does it, Cesc's face is a picture of concentration, brows furrowed and cheeks puffing in, out. Bendtner was chewing gum. Which sort of annoyed me. Chewing gum is a bizarre Alex Ferguson thing.

Okay so anyway enough about the game (for now, that is)
Maybe later since now I'm bored of words so yeah bye!

2010-02-25T16:47:00.002+08:00

My gut gives mournful twinges. It can't help itself.

Anger is warm and bubbling and makes you feel restless, crazy, alive. Misery is colder, more separate from the world and deader. It's much easier to handle. No cursing in your head and no stressing, you just want to curl up in bed and stay there for hours. And you eat something, anything (fattening crackers) to dilute the sorrow.

I have to be understanding I guess. But I won't wait anymore.

Win!

2010-02-21T00:55:00.004+08:00

I love this match. I got my wish, I saw Fabregas score! It was beauuuuuutiful.
"2-nil to the Arsenal!"

Haha. I love all Arsenal matches, but this one's my favourite after the Everton match. It snowed, and the referee got injured. That's a first. Well, he's not really a referee, it's one of the flagsmen. Ahhhh I'm happy it wasn't just 1-0! 2-0? So much better. They had a lot of chances, but they were slow. Heh, I love Fabregas.

'm sorry Sunderland. Arsenal owns!

Cesc, don't leave. Not just yet, I haven't seen you in a match as captain yet!
PS MU got OWNED, go Everton!!!!!!!
PPS I like Bendtners blonde hair heheheheh

2010-02-06T12:16:00.002+08:00

I'm an invalid. I'm sneezing, coughing and I have a sore throat. I feel quite crap. I haven't studied, and I killed some time watching the ending of Ghost Rider and Castrol Football Crazy. Sue me. Thank god I didn't go to school, or else I would've spreaded this to the suckers who get close.

ERGHHHH.

Can you say - WTF?

2010-01-31T00:37:00.002+08:00

FRAKING FARMVILLE HORSE NEIGHING ALMOST GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK.
UGH!

These damn animals are really goddamn noisy. Serious. I regret main FV.

But this is not the cause of my WTF ness. I'm stressed because of beberapa faktor, iaitu
1. A LETTER TO THE PM (WTF?!!!!!!!!!!) TAK START
2. 8 ADD MATHS QUESTIONS UNSOLVED
3. BERITA
4. PROPOSAL
5. HAVE TO CALL THE YAWA LADY ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
6. CRAP FOLIO BM
7. MATH? not sure

BUT ALL IN ALL. A LOT TO DO. MUST DO. BEFORE. 11.55 tomorrow (epic Arsenal vs MU match)

*INSERT HYSTERICAL WAILING AND SCREAMING

2010-01-27T18:40:00.002+08:00

Raining again woohoo! This time is proper heavy rain, but it's not dark enough so I doubt it'll last long. Sigh. I haven't been a very good blogger lately (I guess?) but whatever. I have stuff to do, but I'm a majorrrr procrastinator so yeah.
Rawr.

I just realised I've killed like an hour of my time. What the heck was I doing? And why is it so silly and time wasting? GOSH. I can only remember jumping around like a freak in my empty house to Live Like We're Dying on Hitz. And eating oranges. That's it.

I feel bad now. I should be reading til the image of a plant cell and all its components get burned into my retina. Ohhhh I also have an apple crumble to make. Another oneeeee. But it's okay because I don't mind doing it for people who like it. My battery is about to die bye!

Scared (silly)

2010-01-24T17:54:00.003+08:00

'If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be.'

This is goddamn scary. Like seriously freaking goddamned scary. Found it in someones's blog.
God. *shudders*

Not like it's a bad thing. It's just, some of these random sayings can be so true it absolutely horrifies me.

Okay, back to quadratic equations and Chris Daughtry then.

Rain

2010-01-12T17:50:00.003+08:00

The weather today is bizzare. There's a cool wind pushing through the curtains, and I can hear the light splatter of raindrops. It's sunny, and it's grey. It's just not right.

What's right is a sky so dark it looks as if night came early, filled with the loud and wonderful sound of thunder. Boom. And branches of electric blue that slash through the sky. Beautiful as long as they don't bust my laptop and kill me. The torrential rain drowning out every other mundane sound - cars whizzing by and motorcyles with their horrible engines and construction work and the drone of the TV.

The rain's completely stopped now. I feel a sense of abandon. And so the monotonous everyday sounds come trickling in again. The slivery icy rightness of rain gone again, for now.

Bleach

2009-12-30T15:29:00.003+08:00

Things. They come. They could be good. They could be bad. You could take it. Eat it. Tie it in a knot. Throw it back where it came from. What's scary is when it comes for you, and it gets you, and you know that one day, it might very well kill you.

the wall it cracks the
white paint it flakes
you try but you can't
mellow the blow from the fall
we watch the paint
as it flakes
from the wall.

2009-12-29T13:48:00.003+08:00

There is something creeping over me. Hello. No, I didn't miss you. What are you? Don't copy what I'm saying. I asked first. Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies. Too bad. Oh my god, I hate it when this happens. I'm not leaving. I've left already? Didn't I miss the train? Where am I? WHAT THE HELL AM I SAYING?

RANDOM

2009-12-23T15:27:00.003+08:00

HI. HI. HI.

Jaja...........................is in my house! AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-jannah

hip2...hoooooooooorayyyyyyyyyyy!!
-jaja

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
-alif

OK BYE

PAIN

2009-12-21T23:57:00.003+08:00

Okay this is crazy but... I'M FREE. I'M FREE I'M FREE I'M FREE I'M FREE I'M FREAKING FREE, AND IT FEELS SO GOOD!

I haven't been... for years. Well actually I think I'm lying to myself a little, but who knows? I can't even trust myself. How sad. But I know that for the moment I'm - OH SHOOT.

NO NO NO NO NO. I MUST BURN IT. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

And where are YOU?

2009-12-21T19:42:00.004+08:00

I'm here. A tiny pinprick nevertheless but still here. Hello? Look up you bastard! LOOOK UUUUUUUPPP. Did you see? Did you? I bet you didn't. Because the things I expect you to do without actually telling you to, you never do.

"How am I supposed to know if you didn't say anything?!"

I DON'T KNOW!

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-12-02T21:13:00.002+08:00

THEY PLAYED MY SONG ON FLY FM BUT I MISSED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

T_T. Andrew can help me then. Like, I'm literally not okay. Shit.

DECEMBER

2009-12-01T20:28:00.002+08:00

h my god, it's freakin December. I have my crap wira alam that I keep putting off, a scary call to make, PAWS to contact and well, getting my ass to the art studio I've deserted for a YEAR. And there's the wira alam perjumpaan thing, which I don't think I can make and an outing I am dreading, because I'm broke (ARGH.)
Plus, Norm is being mean about his Uncharted 2. Hmph!

Dreams II

2009-11-18T11:15:00.003+08:00

I hate waking up every morning now, because I will awake to the sound of the TV blaring, the horrible sound of the vacuum and people screaming. I miss it when there was no one around but me, and I would wake up to beautiful silence. This sucks.

Anyway, this morning I had even more bizzare dreams. Like, 3.

In the beginning I was at a market with my family, I think. I had to hold on to my sort of cousin Hannah, or else she'd run away. I saw a bunch of cardis and dresses for sale, but it was hard to try anything on with her in the way. So I just let go. I tried a green cardi. The place where the sleeve was supposed to be sewn to the body wasnt sewn properly. I asked Norm, "Hey Norm, is it nice???" And he was being Normish and shrugged with a "I dunno." then walked off.

Later, the dream went like this. I was with my grandparents, their friends and their friend's kid. We entered this showroomish room. It was really pretty, with olive green walls. The table was square, paintings were square, but the squareness got evened out by mini bonsai jade trees with round green jade leaves. We sat down at the table. Then my grandma started singing Mama. What the hell. My grandma singing Mama. It was like

"Mama, we all go to hell."
"Mama we all go to hell."

Then her friend, who is an old balding Chinese guy joins in.

"I'm writing this letter and wishing you well,
Mama we all go to hell."

Then I join in.

"Well Mother, what the war did to my legs and to my tongue, you should've raised a baby girl I SHOULD'VE BEEN A BETTER SON!"

We all sing in unison. It's just really, really weird. The Chinese guy's son who looks suspiciously Malay, looks at me with a "What the hell???" look.

Entering the next freakier dream. I'm in this terrifying room. At one end there's somebody burning in lava, and somebody burnt black lying on his side. There's somebody trying to pull out the guy burning in lava. They are all glowing red and very still. Then I find myself in a dressing room, with Lynn and Gerard Way. We're just sitting on the chair in there, and I tried taking a picture of us but instead I got pictures of the dying guys burning red. There was also this skull that looked broken, then its pieces grew back.

Gosh.

Hi

2009-11-17T22:40:00.004+08:00

It's amazing to think I've left this blog for more than a week.

And in this week, I guess lots of things have happened. I'll rack my brain. I remember sitting in the backseat of Lynn's grandma's car, with her dad driving and her at the front, watching two cats have a screw. Having a really hard time swallowing my pizza because of Lynn and Minnie being pretty much crazy. Going to muddy, screwed up camp.

Sitting in the bus, two seats to myself, watching the world outside. It was raining, grey, and cold. Droplets of condensation were forming and raindrops were squiggling across the outer window like transparent tadpoles. I remember it being cold, but a comfortable cold. Lynn was chatting to Weng Hoh about piano, and I remeber her laughing and the perpetual dripping of something suspiciously like ancient coke from the compartment overhead. It was dripping on the seat next to me, rolling around on the compartment door before dripping when the bus came to a halt.

I will stop now, because my mouse is bugging the shiz outta me. It's shaking and moving around uncontrollably, and I don't know why

Plans

2009-11-09T21:59:00.003+08:00

Such a nice day. I mean, school was kind of crap. It was okay, but crap because my jaw hurt.

It's a nice day anyway. Tomorrow I do not wish to go to school. I will sleep late today, watching Life On The Murder Scene and sleep late after reading The Time Traveller's Wife. Before I pass out, I will floss my very straight and painfully clean teeth, since I don't have those crappy pieces of metal jammed in my mouth anymore. And tomorrow I will wake up fashionably late, and watch the other DVD. And it will be great. I hope.

Oh but my happiness isn't all about getting. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be going to hear bout some volunteer work in Perlis. Woop! Finally. WWF is pretty crap at providing volunteer work.

"From backstage to the doctor
from the earth to the morgue, morgue, morgue."

To kickstart my night, Desert Song! Yayzers!

Tirade

2009-11-08T02:28:00.002+08:00

I'm so annoyed. You'd think at 2 am you'd be passed out in wonderful sleep but here I am, at 2.30am, awake. I can't even say I'm WIDE awake, because hell no I'm not. I want to sleep. I can't sleep. I can't breathe. Half my nose is blocked. I have to remember how to BREATHE, DAMN IT! Therefore when I'm trying to sleep, I forget to BREATHE.

CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT? FORGETTING TO BREATHE?????

And I'm really pissed off because my grandma's room once again ran out tissue paper. God knows why that always happens when I'm around. I need the freaking tissue for god's sake! And somebody keeps thrashing around in bed and making a heck of a lot of noise when I'm just trying to SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I guess I'll stay up ALL NIGHT doing god knows what. Everyone's asleep. Everyone in their right mind is asleep. I AM AWAKE. I really feel like going on a tirade. WHY THE HECK CAN'T I SLEEP????????????? WHO THE HELL CAN HELP ME AT 2.30 AM?????????

GOD ITS LIKE I DONT HAVE ENOUGH OXYGEN! If I have a screaming fit now people are gonna get really mad at me. Like really. Mad. BUT I CANT HELP IT BECAUSE I CANT BREATHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Storm

2009-11-07T17:02:00.002+08:00

I feel a bit crap because I have the beginnings of a sore throat and a runny nose. Which stinks because just a few days ago, I was telling my mom that I was getting healthier cuz I hadn't gotten sick in quite a while.

Well, my bubble sure has burst.

Outside is very rainy and grey, just the way I like it. It was windier just now, and the trees in front of the window were swaying violently from side to side. Like jelly. And there's still the random sounds of thunder.

Mm I'm filling up my days on my calendar. Looks like I'm not doing nothing afterall.

Dreams

2009-11-05T15:05:00.003+08:00

Oh, god. I have to spit out this bizzaro dream I had this morning so yeah, sorry for the idiosyncrasy.

I don't really remember what happened now. I think Kamal was in it. And Jab too. And this guy, in black with a red tie. I have no idea who he is (the things my brain comes up with!) Um something happened, and then we (as in I and that random guy) walked to this restaurant, and Amanda Seyfried and somebody who looked suspicously like Megan Fox was there (I told you it was bizzare). Everyone was sitting at this table, I think I was stitting next to Kamal.

Then this fat nerd came, breathing through his mouth. I mean WTF??? And Amanda S was like "Blah blah blah! (snubbing the fatty somehow) I like only ____, _____ , Jannah, Kamal and Jabbar only!" she huffed and then dragged Megan Fox away by the arm. The fat nerd looked kind of hurt.

Then I woke up.

Disorders

2009-11-03T14:32:00.002+08:00

Whoa I just slept half a day away. I must have been really exhausted. Well I feel happy now. I like happy. I better stop thinking about being bipolar, because I really wouldn't want that to happen.

Hell. I have no idea. Maybe it was just the headache I had yesterday.

Anyway, currently I'm listening to people I don't usually listen to. And those people are Sara Bareilles, Norah Jones and Paul Freeman. Norah has a really low voice. Paul F sounds mild. I'm going to listen to The Used now, and Me You At Six (:

Reaper

2009-11-02T22:11:00.003+08:00

"WHAT THE HELL? WHERE AM I?"
HAHAHAHAHA CRAZY MORGAN

November

2009-11-02T20:02:00.003+08:00

So depressed yet not knowing why. I thought after something as great as that I would be a little less miserable. Maybe its not melancholy, it's just pure exhaustion and my brain can't tell the difference between sad and tired.

I been planning on researching sociopaths and analyzing their behaviour and stuff, but I'm just too damn miserable.

Guess what I'll do now?
When I listen to things like this, I know I have it bad. Melancholia.

Oh dear

2009-11-02T01:12:00.002+08:00

Oh dear. 1:11am found me flipping through my clothes, going, "Gerard, Gerard, Gerard."
I am so stressed

Who knew

2009-10-31T18:15:00.003+08:00

No effing wonder.

Well even if I can't have it, at least theres no more mystery to it. iTunes UK. Who the heck knew? Thank you random person on the internet!

2009-10-28T18:03:00.002+08:00

www.turnstiles.tumblr.com

Poise and rationality.

2009-10-28T15:36:00.002+08:00

"Long ago. Just like the hearse you die to get in again. We are. So far. From. You."

Nobody was answering the door, even after ringing the bell countless times. It was raining and I was half drenched. But I was happy. The rain itself made me happy. The white grey sky. The rythmic drip of rain and water droplets hitting me, then sliding off. It made me feel like I was in my favourite music video. Which made me even happier. Which led to twirling around the garden singing Helena, soaking my uniform.

See? It's a happy world. You just have to see it in a different light. Or for me, dark I suppose.

Nerdinity

2009-10-27T23:20:00.004+08:00

Tapping into my inner nerd by watching A Very Potter Musical. All I can say is WHAT THE HELL. It's so. Insane. And the lyricssss are so corny my god!

I'll see my friends, gonna laugh 'til we cry
take my Firebolt, gonna take to the sky
NO WAY this year anyone's gonna die, and it's gonna be totally awesome
I'll cast some spells, with a flick of my wand
defeat the dark arts, yeah bring it on!
and do it all with my best friend ron,
'cuz together we're totally awesome

...WHAT? I guess I can't understand the genius of this musical because I'm not a HP Superfan -.- Though I did preorder Deathly Hallows because (sorry) IT'S SO TOTALLY AWESOME!

Woah I exude nerdiness. Woop! JK Rowling is genius I tell you, genius. She'll be rolling around in cash til the day she DIES. GENIUS!!!

Stomachace from eating just a salad for dinner. I'm not trying to lose weight or anything, because that would be anorexic behaviour and I'm so not freakin anorexic. More like too lazy to eat and chew and chew. I find eating a waste of time (Unless it's something I really really like). So I drink Herbalife instead, which is faster and meredakan stomachaches.
Crap lah. Pain.

I don't know whether I should go to school tomorrow. I'll feel bad because of Jab. But I'm so freaking sleepy, so sleepy.

I can't believe my mom. She's like...
"I think you need to see a psychologist."
"What?"
"You have no feeling."

I do have feeling. Anyway I just finished watching this totally awesome video, where this girl kills her boyfriend with cyanide and then breaks into hysterics.
:-D

They gave us two shots to the back of the head and we're all. Dead. Now.

GOODBYE

I second this!

2009-10-25T18:35:00.000+08:00

You really have to admire Gee's songwriting abilities. He is one seriously smart fucker. He can sing, play guitar, act, draw and he's a fucking genius with words.Seriously, the songs he has written are like they are like onions or even better, lasagna. The have the outside layer that has a meaning that anyone could relate to, because everyone interprets the outside layer in their own way. Then theres a second layer, that tells a story, usually about love, depression or hate. Then there is a third layer that really only people who have ever felt like the second layer can understand. The third layer is backed up by music and its about the feeling in layer 2, describing it, explaining, really getting the message across. I love My Chemical Romance. They are such a talented bunch. And the first of december, when I saw then in concert, was the greatest night of my life.

FUN

2009-10-23T18:49:00.003+08:00

When I went in my moms room, Cally was sleeping on the sofa. So cute. So fat. I made it smell my Jackish smelling unwashed hand, but it didn't even give a crap. It just rolled back into a ball. I was half hoping for a bit more aggravation. Makes life interesting.

It's been nine bitter years since I've been seeing your face
And you're walking away and I will die in this place.

Will download that. If I get an iPod (god knows when.) I find their Malaysian concert very ugh to watch because I COULD'VE BEEN THERE, DAMMIT!

D:

-.- Okay anyway. This morning was fun. Again! Main monopoly for hours and hours. 2,3? Longest, funnest, bisingest and vulgarest game of monolopoly ive ever played. Jab Lynn Jess and Evo are awesome people to play that game with.

Plus, I played chess with Jab. It was a draw -.-

The ending was pretty mild. Uno is mild. Before that was violent games of Speed with Jab.I lost. Gila egg sucker. Blarg. After school I watched Monsters VS Aliens with jess and lynn. Its such an awesome movie :D so much better than mamma mia.

Mamma Mia is overrated. -.-

Todaaaay

2009-10-22T21:57:00.003+08:00

Will probably go to school tomorrow, just like I did today. It was actually fun, which was shocking. Last Thursday was as boring as heck. It was different today. (:

Girls in Americas Next Top Model are so goddamn bitchy. Some are so shallow and so full of themselves, and then they lose. Sucker betul -.- The only reason I watch it is to see them take pictures, which is sum. It's their bitching about everybody that pisses me off.

Anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyy. I am loving Flyleaf. Whee! Flyleaf :D Okay this is becoming a music ramble :) I like Sorrow.
I also listened to Minnie's fav band Papa Roach. Getting Away With Murder.

I like this haute couture dress by Colleen Quen. ANTM people were modelling it.

3 Course Lunch

2009-10-21T12:16:00.002+08:00

After an hour lebih's consideration, I've picked out the food to make for my grandparents for their birthday lunch. I had no idea what to get them, so I figured something like this would be a great present. It won't lie around the house and collect dust. It'll lie around their brains as an awesome memory.

Another thing I realise is that chefs like making super long names for their food. Like fried chicken and potatoes becomes BREADED FRIED CHICKEN WITH OVEN BAKED RUSSET POTATOES or something like that. Who'd buy just fried chicken in a 5 star restaurant. It aint a freakin KFC.

So this is my menu. I tried making super long names. I tried.

Starters
Light Baked Potato Soup With Croutons and Thinly Sliced Spring Onion

Entree
Grilled Chicken Breasts With Mozarella Cheese and Sauteed Button Mushrooms

Desert
Rich Sticky Date Pudding with Creamy Cinnamon Ice cream

Drink
Plain Water With a Hint Of Lemon

How's that? Can't wait to start cooking :)

Thought

2009-10-20T14:24:00.003+08:00

I keep erasing the things I write here. Paragraphs and sentences of muddled thought gone to internet wasteland.

There are so many things to write about, to explain, to expand. Those thoughts just remain in my head, never written. Maybe they're not supposed to be put in black and white, where emotion is void.

Introspection. Conclusions. Rationalizations.

Cubicle

2009-10-15T22:19:00.003+08:00

Bored and slightly depressed. But I'm used to depression. Embrace it, even.

Hugh Laurie

2009-10-07T22:53:00.004+08:00

"We have to take out her eyes. But we can't take out her eyes if it's already spread to the head. So we need to take off whole head." *takes a butchering knife
"WHAT? NO! NO! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Symptom one : Hallucinations."

THE REASON I LOVE HOUSE

ICT +

2009-10-05T21:18:00.002+08:00

- Terdedah kepada unsur negatif
- Budaya melepak
- Musuh mencari maklumat
- Ketagihan
- Masalah sosial

- Menambah ilmu
- Mempelajari kemahiran
- Memajukan perniagaan
- Meningkatkan perhubungan/komunikasi

Broken

2009-10-04T23:03:00.000+08:00

Another medium for the dented - The Used.
Yeaaaaah.

F U

2009-10-03T16:58:00.004+08:00

You know what! I don't think I should be here anymore! Let me introduce you to someone new, her name is IGNORANCE. Oh, you've met? Silly me. In that case there's no need for introductions! Have fun! I'll be off now.

Under Pressure

2009-10-02T01:24:00.003+08:00

Heard this and liked it. Sung by one of my favourite people. But of course.

Insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking
Can't we give ourselves one more chance?

-.-

2009-09-29T22:56:00.001+08:00

Not studying, listening to Brand New Eyes instead HaHaHaHAHahaHAHAHAHAHAHA SLAP ME

silence

2009-09-26T23:06:00.005+08:00

Sometimes people assume something is wrong with a person who chooses to be quiet, and are asked if he or she is alright. Silence, to me, is a
virtue, especially if there is nothing to talk about. When one chatters and
chatters, and keeps on chattering, just saying nothing, it leads to
non-productivity, and sometimes frivolous gossip. As a society, we need to
return back to the ideology that being silent does not mean one is not thinking,
or is ill.

Silence is the void where all of our random thoughts collect themselves
together in little pools. They jitter with friction and turn golden to ignite.
We need Silence to contemplate, meditate and negotiate what is important in our
lives. We need days of snowfall, when the world has stopped...

- Pam Ferrer, random blogger on the net

Who knew pressing that Next Blog button up there would actually be beneficial?

BM

2009-09-24T10:38:00.003+08:00

The second I woke up, karangans infiltrated my mind. It's been an hour, and I've looked at dozens of karangans on the internet, ones about pendatang asings, about kemelut transportasi and more.

I am pretty effing overwhelmed.

messages!

2009-09-23T23:14:00.004+08:00

Am being sucked into Alex Rider's world. Of spies. And assassinations of major scales!

Mimi
SELAMAT HARI RAYA! Maaf Zahir Batin!:-)
20 Sep 21:27

Nik
HELLO PEOPLE! Selamat hari raya. Sorry for all that ive done, said and anything that have caused troubles. Yeah, panjang pulak. - niky nf
20 Sep 15:28

Syafi
Haha...awww jannah...i forgive your a-holeness :p...selamat hari raya, love
20 Sep 10:11

Dolores
Selamat Hari Raya ! And forgive me if I've ever sinned you :)
*ths doesn't mean I'm gonna stop molesting you. - Elora
20 Sep 09:15

Nazhan
Yes u were.. Sorry if i ever insulted u.. Gerard rocks..
20 Sep 09:09 (0909? COOL MUCH?)

Amir
Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, maaf zahir dan batin. INGAT! jgn makan byk sgt, nanti ramai sgt Amir dlm kelas. Penat Elora nak kutuk. - Amir Danial -
19 Sep 21:27

Jaja
Walau jauh bukan halangan, sms dihantar tanda perhubungan, kupohon maaf selama perkenalan, salam aidilfitri tanda ingatan. Selamat hari raya maaf zahir & batin.
19 Sep 21:13

Kamal
Selamat Hari Raya! Maaf Zahir & Batun! Maafkan saya sekiranya terlanjur kata atau tersinggung perasaan anda ;D Happy Holidays! Kamal Suria
19 Sep 20:50

Someone Who Failed
KAMBING takut balik kandang, LEMBU lari lintang pukang, BABI pula tersenyum riang sebab x Islam... Slmt Hari Raya Aidil Adha. (Aidil FITRI lah! FAIL!)
19 Sep 20:33

Tiha
Hey selamat hari raya ! Sorry for the lil n big mistakes ive made sengaja or tak sengaja. Hv a wonderful raya :D -fatiha r
19 Sep 20:23

Yas (my favourite message because of the utter randomness :D)
Slmt harry rayah jannah! I apologize if i did anythng tht offnded u in any posible manner....hv a splended raya...dnt go daydreamng bout bobert battinson! I noe he is surprisingly gork-geus (tht is criously disturbing) n i no u love hm but focus dahlink on ur pmr!! hahahahaha, jannah in luv wit bob hw nice
19 Sep 15:23

Leek
Happy raya :D
21 Sep

Jess
People, Happy hari raya ;D
19 Sep 10:25

OK I CAN ERASE SOME OF THESE NOW. My phone is so full it won't accept any more messages T_T

Thank you everyone who sent me a message or replied (:

joy

2009-09-21T23:13:00.002+08:00

I'm singing la-la-la-la-la :)
Suddenly happy. I love random happy.

well hello saturday

2009-09-19T01:43:00.004+08:00

Midnight lunacy.

It's 1:43am. I was depressed at 12 something. I'm good at handling depression.

Now my face feels somehow plastic ey, and my eyes are itching either from irratation of the eyeshadow or the eyeliner. I think its the eyeliner. Oh and my nails are a pale shade of metallic pink. Didn't have any black.

Decided to do a midnight um, makeover? By myself. To get rid of morbid thoughts. Tried to make my face dead looking, like in Helena. Ended up looking like freaking Thirteen from House.

FAIL.

My floor was cluttered with all my things - a magazine, a shoebox, eyeshadows in various shades of gray, my Alex Rider book, Elianto nail polish, and well. Other stuff. Who knew I'd resort to such craziness?

That's a rhethorical question.

Hm at least I found my body shop bag. It was hiding behind my tray of things, right at the bottom of my cupboard. Now all I have to look for is my red dress. God knows where it went.

God. My eyes are so ITCHY. ERGH. But I don't regret this. Nu uh. I do sort of regret not getting black eyeshadow though. The light grey was more silverish and too Lady Gaga. I was aiming for dead.

"I'm obsessively opposed to the typical."

- Lady Gaga

going places

2009-09-18T17:45:00.002+08:00

The only thing I love about the holidays is that we can go places, and that is one of my favourite things to do.

I just remembered that I (HOPEFULLY) AM GOING TO SG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the holidays

2009-09-18T17:27:00.003+08:00

The problem with holidays is that it doesn't take long for the boredom to sink in.
Well, for me.

Because even on non holidays I stay up really late and use the computer and stuff so holidays don't really make a difference. Holidays are a bore.

Other people aren't allowed to watch TV, or use the internet during school days. I can every day. And now I am bored. Jess is perpetually going out, Evo never lets me in her house and Lynn is far. Far for people like me. And I can't even go to Jab's to see Jack because I will die. -.-

I think I'll amuse myself by rereading Snakehead. The problem with that is that once you've read an AR book, the suprise element is somehow eliminated. So the second time you read it, it isn't much fun anymore. I wish Anthony Horowitz would write more.

a happy 100th post

2009-09-18T00:15:00.003+08:00

Under the bed, sprawled on the floor, a song ringing in my ears.

"...WE ALL GO TO HELL!"

Morose. Guilty. In pain. Skipping to all the songs with the most riffs and the most ARGHH!!!!! ARGH!! ARGH!!!

What a sorry predicament.

...but then after every light, there's dark

2009-09-17T15:19:00.005+08:00

Got hugely disappointed today. But if I think about it, it's actually a blessing. Then I won't slack.

So I'm not so depressed anymore.

Honestly if people think I study night and day 24/7 they are so very sorely mistaken. Because I kill 4 hours each day sleeping in the afternoon, some more hours watching Leverage reruns and listening to TCFSR. I do read. But I also use the internet every day, looking at things I will never (okay maybe someday) buy and blog hop.

Oh and I also do some mindless blogging, like right now. Heehee. I blog here practically everyday. I'm thankful that I'm so versatile, I can study in almost any circumstance depending on my mood. It's great. But I work best at night. I LOVE night.

My favourite time of day : 9-10pm. I don't know why.

And walk away

from the choice you made!

oh motivation

2009-09-16T17:21:00.003+08:00

Maybe these posters had a bigger effect on my subconcious than I thought.
Adam Khoo. Sheeze.

I'm pretty happy with my trial 2 results. I've only got god to thank.
Now there's 21 more days left, I am feeling pressure. But not as much as I did a few days ago, when I did some BM and broke down because I felt there was no more hope left.
It was non-existent.

Well, thank god the future is a little less bleak now.

The poster on my cupboard says

FOR THINGS TO CHANGE I MUST CHANGE FIRST

which is what my mom always tells me. I think she put that particular poster there on purpose. But I am trying to change. I am more indifferent. I don't say anything when they fight. I don't say anything when they say the most ridiculous things, or shriek the whole house down, or cry.

It doesn't mean I don't say anything at all. Sometimes when my patience reaches its limit, I can't stop myself from screaming at them, because they are so lacking in brains. People who don't live with people like this will never understand.

late night drive

2009-09-15T22:26:00.003+08:00

Because my mom couldn't pick me up today, Tchr Lucinda helped. She drives a pretty awesome red Volkswagen. It's her daughter's, actually. Ashli has one too I think. So anyway I went in and the chair was cluttered with newspapers and a CD. It didn't have aircond, we had to wind down the windows. I mean literally wind down the windows, there weren't any buttons. Hanging somewhere in front was a cardboard air freshener thing that said "Boys suck! Throw rocks at them!"

Bottomline, it was an awesome ride.

Eng Class is super fun, with Karma and Eve and the randomness and everything. But still I'm always at first dreading it, mainly because I'm too lazy to change into something more decent and too lazy to get my ass out of the house.

"This car is good. As long as it doesn't break down (which it has, a couple of times)."
-T. Lucinda on her Volkswagen

short

2009-09-15T14:24:00.001+08:00

Spent school babbling to Jab, mostly. Designing stuff and interrogating the shiz outta Andrew.
Fun stuff.

Can't wait to eat.

woot

2009-09-14T20:27:00.003+08:00

If you'd have come to the piano room in my grandma's house at 2pm this afternoon, you would've caught me dancing around like an idiot to Paramore's Ignorance, much to the delight of my 1 year old cousin who laughed at that sudden display of lunacy.

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD:

2009-09-12T11:27:00.003+08:00

This is just so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so sickening.
I have to try. ARGH THIS IS SO STRESSFUL.

AM I THE ONLY ONE CRACKING UNDER PRESSURE???????????????

38252 ways to look hot now!

2009-09-11T00:10:00.003+08:00

Ummm. Tomorrow is KH. I killed an hour watching Project Runway, and 5 minutes reading Seventeen, which is actually pretty boring.

I wouldn't wear half the things in the whole magazine, and everything is so horribly expensive. You can't actually wear something Japanesey and lolita in public without being called a freak. It doesn't matter how chic or chichi it is. It'll still look like you have some sort of Hello Kitty disorder.

Plus, people won't take you seriously.

I don't think I wanna read Seventeen anymore. I kind of went ergh about it anyway ever since they put the JoBros on the cover. It was embarassing.

BAH.

2009-09-10T00:01:00.001+08:00

You're just as bad as your husband!

breaks, but no brakes

2009-09-09T23:45:00.003+08:00

11.40pm, 9/9/09 found me sprawled on the floor between the table and the sofa, one leg draped on said sofa and Nickleback playing in my ears on Hitz.

PMR life is hard life.

It's almost midnight and I still haven't gone through maths.
Ah,well.

it's time to - roll down the windows!

2009-09-08T00:24:00.002+08:00

...I blame my grandpa's iPhone.

It reminded me of all the times in the past when I listened to Boys Like Girls and knew the words to Five Minutes To Midnight. I don't remember the words now. I'm listening to Hero/Heroine as if it was my heroin.

Urgh. BLG.
Urgh Yahoo music for playing the song again. I forgot all about those songs. Until 2 days ago.

I feel like a hero, and you are my heeeeeeroin(e)
Do you know that your love is the sweeteeeeeeest sin?

Mmm. Silence.

2009-09-07T23:49:00.002+08:00

Just like the nocturnal being I am, I'm blogging in the dead of night, listening to TAAR at half volume.

Nah. I wouldn't consider 11:50pm to be dead, but almost. Tomorrow's a school day, and I have trials, but it doesn't really make much of a difference. I sleep at 1am everyday anyway.

The only time I sleep at 10 is when I'm sick or something. Like the time I got really allergic of Cally and started sneezing like crazy.

Ah. I remember when 10.30 was the latest I slept. Where did those days go?
And what happened to that Vanessa Hudgens loving, Rihanna listening twit?

GONE.

Just like the days when I didn't have to worry about not studying.

This is not good.

2009-09-07T18:50:00.002+08:00

When did books make me so sick? When did I start listening to miserable songs I used to sing with the volume at its highest and battling with depression?

And hell. PMR is looming, as inevitable as ever and coming closer every. Single. Second.
Actually it is evitable. But I don't want to die so young, or break my arms or something. God, no.

Pull me from this sinking pit.
and stop Hero/Heroine. it's on effing replay

Though I have to thank Nazhan here because he unrealisingly made me laugh like such a dufus, it became irrational. It was laughter edging into hysteria.

I'd very much like to see him strangling someone to death. It'd be a beautiful nightmare. And I don't mean Nazhan strangling someone to death. If I had a dream about that I'd be too scared to sleep for days

Blur

2009-09-04T22:04:00.002+08:00

sometime yesterday

J : Omg Lynn. You know Nik's old email, that hazzyway thing? Only now I know what it meant. L : Huh? Riiight.
J : I wish I had a Way in my name. Hey Evo, I want a Way in my name.
E : Huh? Way?
J : Yeah... Way.
E : What Way!
J: Oh my god Evo. Try thinking. It's easy.
E : Uhhh. I don't know la. Just tell me!
J : But I talk about it all the time!
E : I don't know! Is it Jalan?
J : HUH? Hey Lynn do you know what I'm talking about?
L : Yeah. Duh.
J : See Evo! Think! Think dammit!
E : Uhhhh? Way? Jalan la! I don't know.... Does it have something to do with the tasik?
J : WHAT?
E : Tasik Bera... Tasik Wei...
J : What the hell Evo! Why should I want a nama Tasik in my name! Some more it's Sungai Bera not Tasik!
E : Then what???????????????????
J : Aduuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

She found out in the end, after I told her. Sad, sad Evo. And I got my facts wrong. It really is Tasik Bera. Whoops.

What's the worst thing I could say?

2009-09-04T13:25:00.001+08:00

His songs speak to me.

:')

what I love most is background noise slowly fine-tuning itself to sweet music

ah, no

2009-09-04T12:48:00.002+08:00

electricity is really the most baffling topic in the whole science textbook.
the ways to count the resistance/current are really confusing.

like what is 1/R = 1/R+1/R supposed to mean?
and when they calculate it in the reference book, they don't use any fractions so what the heck is that? ugh.

i skipped school today, and it was awesome because by the time i woke up school was almost over. meaning if i did go to school i would've missed out on much needed sleep.

the sky is a lovely milky colour today.

icecream roses fall at your feet!

2009-09-03T23:44:00.002+08:00

I think I'm mishearing the lyrics ._.

Haha I think misheard lyrics videos are funny. Like there was this part in Helena, the guy misheard a sentence. It became a drake in a shell. And drakes are male ducks, if I'm not mistaken. So he put a picture of a drake with a turtle shell on its back and there was a speech bubble coming out of the ducks beak saying "Shit."

I was laughing like a freaaaak

Well if I was a duck with a shell, I'd swear too.

Im effin tired of seeing your body tan
help me get your hand around your out!
Our Lady Of Sorrows

I have no idea was he is trying to tell me.

And the red walls licked me black
and I blew my brains against the ceiling

Huh.

The Letter

2009-09-02T17:44:00.002+08:00

The silence grew
She didn't have to say it
He already knew
In a sudden burst of fury
he ripped it into two.

He spat, "I'll take the biggest piece
and burn it shades of black
There's no use feeling sorry now
you'll never have it back."

Without a glance
at her sullen face
he was gone
Without a trace.

She couldn't bear it
"I'm dead!" she cried
There were tears on her dress
The blood still not dry

She lay on the stone floor
her glassy eyes just stared
The men came to search
completely unprepared
for what was about to be unveiled

Her stone cold corpse
at their feet
Her whereabouts, finally revealed

"I think I feel a little ill."
Silently, they stared
at the bottle of cyanide
at the boxes of pills

They were too shocked to think
because clutched in her outstretched hand
the letter was bleeding yellow ink.

we're all full of lies

2009-09-02T00:01:00.002+08:00

I am gonna staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay awakeeeee and watch TV and drawwwwwwwwwwwwwwww and yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy wooh!

I'll be listening to To The End the whole night.

Saaaaaay goodbyeeeee to the hearts you break and the cyanide you drank!

I am so ketinggalan zaman -_- This song came out in what, 04? Better late than never. I should've never said they sucked. I suppose it's because last time I was more uh, Rihanna, Vanessa Hudgens and all that crap.

I want to laugh at myself.

Didn't I have a drop of creativity then?
(Lost in coma and covered in cake)

mail them from you know where

2009-08-31T15:02:00.003+08:00

I finished studying SEJ except F2. Dammit.

And as for GEO, well. Im trying.

No comment on the other subjects though.

Nah, I'm too busy

screaming the words to

Desolation Row!

Haha. -_-

But seriously.

I'd always loved poems

2009-08-30T21:20:00.002+08:00

I can make my own, but they suck. They sound like limericks.
You should see Karma's, or random people's ones on sites.

Are you crying yet?
Do you want to forget?
Paralyzed by truth, alone
Our words remain dead like stone

But you hate them, it’s true!
Why do what you’re told?
Oh they have not a clue
We’re perfectly cold.

pure, undiluted girly madness

2009-08-30T00:10:00.003+08:00

I'm posting this post still on my crap laptop that only has half the screen working.
Whooo. Joy.

Yesterday actually, I slept over at my friends house. It was very last minute. It sort of sucked because she and my other friend were asking me all sorts of questions about guys and things but I couldnt answer anything because both my sisters were there.

I have absolutely zero trust in my sisters. They told my mom about the episode of House when Chase was licking a stripper and I kena marah. What the hell. I changed the goddamn channel. And it was short and unexpected too. He licked her and then he passed out because he was allergic to strawberries.

SHEEZE!

So if they tell my mom about that, they surely can tell her about a whole host of other things too.
I guess Lynn or Jess would understand. I wouldnt want my sisters to be there listening to every word. It's just wrong. And also, we swear a lot accidentally.
We're trying to curb the addiction. Well I am.

They asked me about stuff I could never answer with them around. But it was fun too, because they straightened my hair with a crimper until 2am. And still at 2am, we wwere making
At 2am after my hair was straighter than Lynn's, they made videos. In the space of an hour, they made 3. I starred in it too, during the part when they were talking about GW.
HAHA.

A little after 1am they also made a music video
If you were there that particular night, you would have come across a couple of deranged girls dancing (or at least jumping around) and singing (shrieking) Teenagers like a bunch of asylum escapees.

Well that song does bring up the rebel in yah.

At 3am I was feverishly scrubbing off masara and eyeliner off my eyes. I stupidly used the facewash with small beads in it. Genius.
They went in my eyes, and they became very red. They put lipstick on me too, and that made me look like a goddamn whore. I always look like a cheap slut with lipstick on. ][
It brought back bad memories of P6, when they pulled up my hair and did all that crap until I looked like a tranny.

UGH.

We didn't even get to watch any K-Dramas because Syafi was drunk with sleeiness and hyperness. The latest we slept was 4am I guess.

I'm gonna do it again after PMR, only better because there won't be any UGH people around evesdropping on everything!
Sheeze! They even think Andrew is my boyfriend or something.
WHAT THE HELL?
HE IS SARAH's.

Well, Sarah's slave lah.

(:

PS this post probably has lots of errors cuz I can only see half this goddamn screen -.-

Considerably Calmed -.-

2009-08-29T17:33:00.002+08:00

But this isn't helping!

There's JONAS on TV right now.
It sucks.